Don't get too close to me. I'm not who you want. I've been fighting battles inside myself, since before we met. You think you can tame the monster in my mind, but that is folly. The monster inside my head is me. You can reach out to me, but I may not hold your hand. Sometimes the pain paralyzes me. Sometimes I wish I were a man on an island, though I am an all aone in a world surrounded by people. Your soft touch quells me for a moment, but that is fleeting and the rage is awakened. And it is building, ready to explode from my head. And shower its rein of fury on anyone around me. So I push you away. Without hesitation. Without feeling. Knowing you are better off without me, and I must be without you. I live with the monster in my mind. It is a symbiotic relationship. It feeds off my soul. It thirsts for my essence. It breathes through my mouth. And I am what the monster is, and does, and hates, and hurts, and crushes, and kills. The monster inside me, of me, is me.
Alfred C. Martino
Updates from everyday life as seen by me